


Attraction

by orphan_account



Series: you're a pain in the neck (literally) [2]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Vampire, Awkward Crush, Bisexual Alexander Hamilton, Bisexual Character, Bisexual Male Character, Blood Drinking, Crushes, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Gay Character, Gay John Laurens, Gay Male Character, Hanging Out, Light Angst, M/M, Past Alexander Hamilton/John Laurens, Secret Crush, Secrets, Texting, Vampires, idk what else to tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-31
Updated: 2018-07-31
Packaged: 2019-06-19 14:23:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15511764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Philip knows the exact moment he’s been spotted—John letting out a small yelp of surprise and keys clattering against the carpet floor. He flinches, turning around, fumbling with his hands and eyes directed to the ground.He curses himself for being so reckless. So stupid.He shouldn’t have come here.





	Attraction

Philip glances down at the card in his hands, chewing on his bottom lip and reading its contents over again. He stands in front of what he thinks is John’s apartment door—he’d asked the clerk downstairs three, four, maybe five times if he had the right building, the right room, all answered with a tired, annoyed “yes”—his hair frazzled and eyes itching with lack of sleep. Every cell in his body screams at him to just walk in, but he can’t move, frozen in place.

He can’t believe he’s here. He hasn’t seen the vampire in over a month; whether it be out of nerves or his usual stubbornness, or perhaps a need to cling to a life he can’t ever have, he’s not sure. He’s gotten along better since meeting John, don’t get him wrong—he’s been calmer, sleeping through the night and managing to keep food down (when he forces himself to eat; his stomach still messes with him, but he deals with it). His family leaves him alone for the most part save for an occasional question about how he’s doing or feeling, and his need to research a particular species has resided.

But, even though things are better now doesn’t mean they’re great.

Philip winces as the ache in his neck worsens, the man laying a hand over the bitemark and rubbing slow, gentle circles into his skin. There’s that feeling again—the one where he feels like he’s being led somewhere on a leash, starting somewhere within the bite and his chest and ending somewhere on the other side of the door. It never goes away, always following him wherever he goes, hurting worse or less depending on the day.

Today—or tonight, considering it’s the middle of the night—it seems to have gotten worse, which is why he’s visiting the vampire now, worried over how it’s gotten _progressively_ worse for the past few days.

Sighing, stuffing the card into his pocket, Philip steadies himself, raising a fist to knock on the door.

He can do this. He can _do_ this.

His hand stays frozen in the air, knuckles inches from the wooden door.

He can do this…

His heart pounds against his ribcage, slower than it used to be but faster than it was a second ago.

Philip lowers his hand, stepping back and turning away. His face reddens, the man pulling at his curls as his thoughts start to spin out of control.

He can’t do this.

Why is he so nervous? He handled walking into a bar full of vampires just fine, handled chasing down some stranger who could have killed him with no issue, handled the fact that he’s practically an accidental freak of nature with barely a sweat. And it’s not like John will do anything to him—the guy’s nice enough and dated his _father_ , for Christ’s sakes. He should feel safe…

…So why doesn’t he?

And what if John doesn’t want him there? What if he’s not home? What if he’s run out of blood again? It _has_ been over a month—surely he wouldn’t make the same mistake again, but there’s no guarantee of that. What if he was just acting before? What if he hurts him? _Kills_ him? What if—

_Click!_

Philip’s breath catches in his throat at a sound behind him, his body tensing up. All heat leaves his body, panic settling in his chest.

Jingling keys sound as John’s apartment door swings open, his voice floating into the hallway as he steps out. “Fucking Herc’ and his last-minute bullshit—as if I didn’t have enough on my pl—”

Philip knows the exact moment he’s been spotted—John letting out a small yelp of surprise and keys clattering against the carpet floor. He flinches, turning around, fumbling with his hands and eyes directed to the ground.

He curses himself for being so reckless. So stupid.

He shouldn’t have come here.

“H-Hi,” he sputters.

John blinks, expression a mixture of surprise and confusion, “Hello. Fancy seeing you here.”

“Heh. Y—Yeah.” His face burning, body threatening to spontaneously combust, Philip sends a panicked look over his shoulder, stepping towards the stairs. “I, uh…see now’s a bad time, s-so, uh—I’ll just, uh, be going now—”

“How long have you been standing out here?” John interrupts him. He retrieves his keys, the vampire fixing him with a stare Philip can’t read. He reaches forward, grabbing the man’s sleeve before he can walk away. If Philip’s face was hot before, it’s on fire now. “Did you need somethin’?”

Philip swallows, at a loss for words. He immediately thinks yes, he does need something—most notably for his brain to kick into gear and for John to stop looking at him like he’s a ticking bomb.

Pulling himself from John’s grasp, he shrugs, saying, “Oh, uh, well—I mean, kind of, but you seem busy, so it’s not like it can’t wait or anything—”

“Philip.”

“It was stupid anyway, I don’t know what I was thinking, I mean it was just a little bit of pain and all, nothing I can’t handle, you don’t need to worry about that—”

“Phil.”

“Now that I think about it, my parents are probably worrying where I am by now considering I’ve been looking for this place like all night and have been standing here for like three hours wondering what to say or do or whatever, so—”

“Philip, holy shit, slow down.” John laughs. The sound makes Philip pause, mouth snapping shut and movements coming to a halt. The vampire gives him a smile, one the younger notices is void of sharp teeth and dangerous vibes. “I gave you my address for a reason. No need to be all weird about it.”

His blush worsens, “Ah. Right.”

“Right.” John pauses, glancing back to his apartment. He nods towards it, saying, “You wanna come in? I think I still have mortal food and drinks somewhere in there.”

Philip gives him a curt nod. He decides to ignore the mention of “mortal” food. “What about your friend?” he asks.

John waves a hand dismissively in the air. He grabs the younger man’s arm—ignoring how Philip shivers at his touch—already opening the door, “He can wait. Herc’s a big boy—he can handle himself.”

Philip opens his mouth to protest, but John pulls his door open and drags him inside his apartment, leaving no room for argument.

Well, it’s all or nothing now.

***

 **angis jr.** : where r u???

 **angis jr.** : ur room is a disaster zone & ur not in ur bed

 **angis jr.** : did u rlly sneak out @ like 11 at night???

 **pipin** : actually I snuck out at 10 but hi angie

 **pipin** : and uhhhh im at?? a friend’s house?? yeah

 **angis jr.** : why don’t u sound sure of that???

 **angis jr.** : and why did u go to a friend’s house!! w/o saying anything!!!

 **pipin** : bc mom and pops would’ve asked which friend and then I would’ve died

 **pipin** : and bc we’re like?? new friends???

 **pipin** : we met like a month ago

 **angis jr.** : like when u snuck out THE FIRST TIME

 **pipin** : ;;;;;;;

 **angis jr.** : im getting pops

 **pipin** : ANGIE PLS DON’T

 **angis jr.** : wHY NOT

 **pipin** : ;;; bc if u keep this btwn us then I’ll do ur chores for u

 **pipin** : and hook u up with that one girl u said u liked

 **angis jr.** : ,,,,

 **angis jr.** : ok. bUT u have to do that AND tell me who ur new friend is

 **pipin** : tHANK

 **pipin** : wait y do u want?? to know that??

 **angis jr.** : bc u don’t just sneak out of the house for “friends”

 **pipin** : .

 **pipin** : we’re not dating

 **angis jr.** : uh huh. Sure.

 **pipin** : wE’RE NOT DATING

 **angis jr.** : just get back soon. pops’s break is @ 3 and if he leaves his office and finds u gone then I won’t protect ur ass

 **pipin** : fuck ok thank u

 **angis jr.** : u owe me

 **pipin** : love u sis!!!!

 **angis jr.** : <//3

 **pipin** : <//3 !

***

“You have a nice place.”

“Nice? It’s trash. Or do you not see the mess?”

Philip hums. He has to admit, John’s place is rather cluttered—full of discarded wrappings, clothes, pizza boxes (vampires eat pizza, apparently…the more he learns the more confused he gets). But besides that, the apartment is relatively clean, full of minimalistic furniture and a few pictures of John’s life from before (none with his father in them, he notices; he might ask about that, but not right now).

There are no mirrors.

“I mean, it’s a little messy,” he says, shrugging. “Better than my room, though. I haven’t cleaned it in, like, forever.”

John smirks, “Even with your ma being a neat-freak?”

“She gave up on me a couple years ago. Said I was a lost case, or something.” Philip snorts. “She’s convinced I’m doomed to be an unorganized mess just like Pops.”

“Jeez, she hasn’t rubbed off on him yet?” John whistles, resting his drink on the kitchen table. Philip sits in front of him, cradling his soda to his chest, eyes looking everywhere except for the red-colored drink John keeps taking sips from. Still not totally used to that. “I’d’ve thought Eliza’d do that man some good…”

“How do you know Mom?” Philip frowns, setting his drink down. He already feels better, being in the other’s presence; even though it took him a few minutes to calm down, he feels lighter, the pain subsiding for the time being. It still frustrates him that his brain’s wired to be drawn to the man, though he supposes it can’t be helped. After all, John _did_ say that such a thing happened with bite victims sometimes. “You said Pops and you dated in college.”

“The Schuyler sisters attended the same college as us, Phil—Alex and I had a couple of classes with all of them.” He scratches at the back of his head, John grumbling under his breath, “Alex and Eliza hit it off pretty well even back then.”

Philip raises his eyebrows at the note of jealousy but doesn’t point it out. “Do you like them?” he asks carefully, taking a sip of his drink. He grimaces at the odd taste, a flavor he’s never had before, but he’s not going to just not drink it. Besides, it’s helping his stomach, judging from the lack of gurgling and the absence of nausea. He’ll take any relief he can get.

John nods, though there’s still a bitter undertone to his words, a remorseful look in his eyes. Philip can’t blame him—his parents are great people. Even if they do fuck up on occasion; most notably when it comes to their relationships.

“Of course I like the sisters,” he tells him. “Or, I _did_ , when we still talked. They’re probably the best women I’ve ever met in my life! It’s just…I always knew Alex and Eliza got along better than they would admit to me. And I’m not accusing them of cheating or whatever, I’m certain that didn’t happen, but I could just—I could tell Alex had fallen for her, y’know? He still loved me and all, that much was obvious, but…I’unno. It’s stupid and it’s in the past, so I don’t really get why it bothers me so much.”

“Maybe because Pops and you were still dating?” Philip says, eyebrows furrowed. He can’t help but think about all the times he’s seen Alexander look at other people a certain way, talk a certain way, _laugh_ a certain way—only to look at his mother and see her face fall, her eyes water. He’s more than familiar with his father’s charms, and he’s sure that his mother could relate to some of what John’s saying.

And, if he’s being honest with himself, he has to admit that it pisses him off. Neither of his parents deserve to be hurt, especially by each other.

John pauses, looking Philip up and down, “I mean, yeah, we were. But all I’ve ever wanted was for him—for them—to be happy, and I feel bad for…not being happy for them? I guess?” He stops, glaring at his glass. “…I have no idea why I’m talking about this or if it’s making any sense. Am I making sense?”

“Yeah. Yeah, you are,” Philip sighs. “We can talk about something else, if you want.”

He notices how the vampire relaxes further into his chair, leaning back, “That’d be nice, thanks.”

“No problem.” The dhampir pauses, glancing down at his drink. “…So, about how you’re supposed to be helping me and all—”

_Brrrrip!_

John’s phone vibrates, the man giving it an annoyed glance. He picks it up and unlocks it, saying, “I already am.”

Philip startles at that, “What?”

John gestures to Philip’s drink, not looking up from his phone, “I mixed some of my supply in with your drink. Looks like it’s doing wonders, considering you don’t look like a walking zombie anymore.”

Philip blinks. He knows he heard the man right—there’s no reason why he wouldn’t have—and yet, his face blanks, skin growing pale. “…You son of a bitch.”

John laughs. His phone vibrating again in his hands, he sends the person on the other end a quick text before looking up at Philip with a shit-eating grin plastered on his face. “Hey, it worked, didn’t it?”

“You could’ve warned me!”

“You wouldn’t have given it a chance if I had.”

Philip doesn’t have a response to that. Absently, he reaches out for his drink, glaring down at it to keep from looking at John. His face feels like it’s on fire. “Who’re you talking to?” he grumbles instead, changing the subject.

“Hercules. He’s yelling at me for being late—nothing new, really.” John looks up at him, raises an eyebrow. “Do you have a fever or something? Your face looks like it’s hotter than hellfire, bud.”

Philip swallows, trying to find his voice. “N—No, I don’t have a fever. Just warm, ’s all.” Oh, God help him. “I thought blue fire was hotter than red?”

John hesitates. “… _Is_ it?”

“I don’t know, it’s what I was told in a science class one time.”

“Hm. Interesting.”

“…You didn’t pay attention when you were in school, did you?”

John doesn’t look him in the eye, “Eh—not like it matters now, anyways. Wasn’t like I could finish my schooling after becoming undead, y’know?”

 _Brrrip!_ —his phone buzzes again. They both glance at it, Philip out of curiosity and John with resignation.

“That’s the third text he’s sent in the past five minutes,” John mutters. He frowns and stands up, shoving his phone into his pocket with a shake of his head. “I better go see what the hell he’s up to. I won’t hear the end of it otherwise.”

“He wouldn’t get like, super mad at you, right?” Philip asks, arching his eyebrows. “About you being late, I mean.”

John grabs his coat, slipping it on. “Depends on what his problem is,” he says. “The most pissed he’s been at me is the time I kissed a guy at the bar while me and your dad were dating. The man almost ripped my head off that day, but, uh, he really didn’t have anything to worry about. I felt pretty shitty about that regardless on whether he kicked my ass or not.”

Philip nods, lips pressed into a thin line. His chest flares up, anger and annoyance and another emotion he can’t place grabbing hold of him, the man swirling his drink around in his bottle. “Sounds rough,” he says, voice coming out harsher than he meant it. “Did Pops find out about that?”

“Yeah. He wasn’t too mad, though—just said not to drink so much.” John heads towards the door, looking over his shoulder. He waits, hand on the doorknob. “Are you coming?”

“Coming?” Philip makes a face, “Where?”

“Out. No offense, Phil, but I don’t trust you enough to just leave you in my apartment.” John pulls the door open, gesturing to the hallway on the other side, “And because I’m leaving, that means you gotta go, too.”

Philip hesitates, drink held to his chest, “I’m not gonna just go somewhere with you. Especially when I don’t know where we’re going.”

“You don’t have to come _with_ me,” John says shortly. He stuffs his hands in his pockets, holding the door open by leaning against it. “You could go home. It’s getting late, anyway—or early? I can never tell.”

Philip pauses at those words. His heart drops to his shoes, the man fumbling with his phone to pull it out. He checks to time and curses, jumping to his feet.

3:39.

“Pops’s gonna kill me,” he mumbles, running passed John. He bumps into the vampire as he rushes out the door, stuttering out an apology, “A-Ah, sorry, it’s just, I have to—”

“It’s fine, Phil, you don’t gotta apol—”

“God, they’re gonna be so mad at me, I can’t believe I let myself lose track of time—”

“Hey!”

A hand on his arm makes him stop, Philip whipping around to face the taller man. John’s face is one of calm, holding a hint of amusement, the vampire keeping him in place by his elbow.

Philip doesn’t realize how much he’s shaking until John lets him go, the dhampir letting out a breath, “Sorry. I just—I didn’t tell my parents I was coming here.”

John raises an eyebrow.

“I can’t just tell Pops I’m seeing his undead ex-boyfriend.”

“Yeah, that’s fair.” John snorts. “Still—you’re fucked if that’s the case. Alex and Eliza both are huge worrywarts from what I remember.”

“Yeah, I know.” Philip groans, running a hand down his face. “What am I gonna tell them?”

“You’ll figure it out, I’m sure.” Laurens hesitates, brushing curls out of his face. “Do you want me to walk you home, or…?”

“I thought you had a friend waiting for you?”

“And you sound like you might die the moment you walk into your apartment.”

“They wouldn’t really kill me,” Philip huffs, crossing his arms. “At least, I don’t think they would…but no, I don’t want you to do that—that might just make things worse.”

“Right,” John drawls out. He sighs, pulling his phone out.

“What’re you doing?”

“Giving you my number.”

Philip’s face flushes, “Why?”

John’s face twists, “So you can tell me when you make it home. And if you survive the shitshow your parents are gonna give you.” He hands his phone over. “There—hurry up, though. You might be the one checking in on _me_ if we stand here any longer than we have to.”

Philip gulps but complies, punching John’s number into his phone. He hands the vampire’s phone back, rushing towards the stairs, “Okay, cool, thank you, see you later—”

“Saturday.”

Philip stops, giving the other a questioning look. “Saturday?” he repeats.

John nods. “Well, yeah. That’d be about a week from now, and I shouldn’t have any plans then…why? Is that a problem?”

Philip’s grip tightens on his drink. He has a lot of problems with that; his parents will probably ground him for months, he’ll probably be watched like a hawk until he earns his family’s trust back, his aunts will be coming up soon and he can’t remember when they said they’d come up other than the fact that it’ll be soon, the fact that he’s not expecting to talk to John more than it’s necessary.

The problem that John makes it sound like a date.

Still, Philip finds himself speaking before he can stop himself, the man letting out a quiet, “Sure, Saturday works.”

John grins. “Cool.” He hums, pulling his coat’s hood over his head and walking ahead of the man. “Good luck with your parents.”

“Good luck with your friend,” Philip counters.

“Pfft, yeah—as if I have anything to worry about. Herc’ might have more muscle than me, but he’s still mortal.”

A vampire who’s friends with mortals—Philip pockets the information and walks after him, both of them heading for the exit, “Alright, but that doesn’t mean to—”

He turns around the corner, stopping mid-sentence when he sees nothing but an empty stairwell.

“…Goddammit, John.”

***

 **jem james** : hey where tf are u?

 **a.ham but it’s jr.** : Mom checked your room and you weren’t there and now her and Dad both are panicking and nothing we’re doing is helping.

 **jem james** : I s2g if you’re doing drugs or smth im going to kill you?????

 **jem james** : if mom and pops don’t kill u first that is

 **a.ham but it’s jr.** : Dad is growing more white hairs as we speak.

 **pipin** : I am At A Friend’s House.

 **pipin** : im actually leaving rn

 **a.ham but it’s jr.** : In the middle of the night?

 **a.ham but it’s jr.** : …What kind of friend is this.

 **jem james** : yOU’RE DATING SOMEONE????

 **pipin** : WE’RE NOT DATING FUCK OFF

 **pipin** : ur just as bad as ange I s2fg

 **jem james** : YOU TOLD ANGELICA BUT NOT US

 **a.ham but it’s jr.** : That’s a low blow, Pip.

 **pipin** : are they That worried???

 **a.ham but it’s jr.** : Philip.

 **jem james** : im Definitely going to kill u I s2g pip

 **a.ham but it’s jr.** : Are you really asking that right now.

 **jem james** : IT’S NOT LIKE WE HAD A FUCKN SCARE LAST YEAR W THE VAMPIRE THING

 **jem james** : GOING OUT ALONE IN THE MIDLE OF THE NIGHT WITHOUT SAYING ANYTHING??? WHAT DO YOU THINK THEY’RE GOING TO DO

 **pipin** : they shouldn’t worry about that Now, it’s not like vampires are gonna bother me now

 **pipin** : but also can u let them know im fine pls

 **a.ham but it’s jr.** : Okay.

 **a.ham but it’s jr.** : Wait what do you mean vampires won’t bother you now why wouldn’t they.

 **jem james** : r u not telling us sometihng??????

 **pipin** : uh

 **pipin** : I mean

 **pipin** : research does wonders

 **jem james** : ?????

 **a.ham but it’s jr.** : Please just come home Dad is ripping out his hair and talking about calling the police…

 **a.ham but it’s jr.** : And locking your door so that you can’t leave for like, a week.

 **jem james** : i will PERSONALLY lock u in ur room tbqh

 **jem james** : all this panic over a fuckin bf like I s2g philip our parents cant HANDLE THIS

 **pipin** : jes us

 **pipin** : im omw

 **jem james** : good

 **a.ham but it’s jr.** : Good.

 **pipin** : ALSO WE’RE NOT DATING STOP THAT

***

He feels the tension throughout the apartment the moment he steps through the front door. He closes it behind him, taking his coat and shoes off, setting them off to the side. He hangs on to what remains of his blood-tainted soda, his hair standing on end as he stays facing the door.

He feels his family’s gazes before he sees them.

“…I’m home,” he announces with a sigh, spinning around—and oh, the sight that awaits him. It’s rare for all the Hamiltons to be seated at the table, what with school and extracurriculars and work, but this morning they all sit in a circle, their eyes trained on him. Even his younger siblings are awake, half-asleep, resting their heads on their arms, their hands, the table.

His parents stand a few paces in front of him, looking worst than any of them felt combined. Eliza’s hair hangs in a mess on her shoulders, bags weighing down on her eyes, looking sickly due to how pale her skin is. His father sways on his feet, half-dressed, greying hair wild and eyes blazing. Philip catches a glimpse of hair tangled around his fingers—ripped out while his father was pacing, he guesses.

Both of their eyes are ringed with red, signaling that they’d been crying.

Shame ignites in his chest, Philip sheepishly pressing against the door. “I, uh…can explain—”

“Ten seconds,” Eliza grounds out.

“Seven,” Alexander corrects.

Philip doesn’t give it much thought. When they put it that way, he doesn’t have much of a choice but to rush his explanation out, something quick and understandable.

“I have to see a vampire every so often or else I’ll die.”

Blunt, but the truth. And believable.

His family wears identical expressions of shock, confusion, fear; all things he expects after saying something like that.

And then Angelica slams her hands on the table, shouting, “I knew it! My brother’s a vampire!”

Oh, there’s so much they need to talk about.

Philip scratches at his bite mark, wincing as it starts to ache, “Actually…”

***

 **pipin** : im home and Not Dead

 **pipin** : that was;;; interesting

 **John L.** : o hey!

 **John L.** : what do u mean by that oh boy

 **pipin** : my whole family sat me down at the table and were like “what the Fuck” and basically now they know that im like!! half-vampire and will Die if I don’t see a vampire for help

 **pipin** : also all of my siblings are convinced I have a secret boyfriend

 **John L.** : omg

 **John L.** : u didn’t mention my name or anything did u

 **pipin** : not ur full name but I did tell them ur name was john

 **John L.** : tHANK GO D

 **pipin** : I wouldn’t do u dirty like that ur good

 **John L.** : “do u dirty”

 **pipin** : SHUT UP

 **pipin** : hey how r things w ur friend

 **pipin** : I take it he didn’t kill u considering ur still typing

 **John L.** : he didn’t but he Almost did

 **John L.** : he had this rlly awful customer at his shop and needed me to get them to leave bc they were a vampire and silver only goes so far

 **pipin** : so it Does work on vampires

 **John L.** : sometimes, and only on certain kinds

 **pipin** : there are different types of vampires????

 **John L.** : phil u r literally a Different Kind of Vampire than me wtf do u think

 **pipin** : but im only a half vamp;;

 **John L.** : still different

 **pipin** : tru

 **pipin** : did u get the person to leave?

 **John L.** : aw u see vampires as ppl that’s so cute

 **John L.** : but also yea I did after some mild threats and some rough housing. herc and I are cleaning the place up now

 **pipin** : is herc ok?????

 **John L.** : yea he’s fine. a lil shaken but this isn’t the first time this has happened

 **pipin** : john what the Fuck

 **John L.** : vamp ppl are drawn to vamp-friendly ppl, phil

 **John L.** : and herc, tho annoyed that he can’t talk to anyone he knows abt vamps n stuff, is a big help to a lot of vamps here in the city

 **pipin** : oh ok

 **pipin** : ;;; wait are we talking abt heRCULES MULLIGAN

 **John L.** : YES

 **pipin** : OH MY GOD HE KNOWS VAMPS BUT DIDN’T SAY ANYTHING??

 **John L.** : THAT WOULD BE THE OPPOSITE OF HELPING US PHIL

 **pipin** : STILL THO POPS VISITS HIM LIKE ALL THE TIME HOW HAS HE NOT SLIPPED UP AFTER ALL THIS TIME???

 **John L.** : patience, self-discipline and money

 **John L.** : also love for his friends

 **pipin** : “and money” but also aw

 **John L.** : gwash pays him good

 **pipin** : GEORGE WASHINGTON???

 **John L.** : oh whoops

 **pipin** : YOU MEAN THE MAN MY FATHER WORKS FOR IS A FUCKING VAMPIRE

 **John L.** : to be fair he Was our college professor before he picked up the business from the schuylers

 **John L.** : u’d be surprised how easy it is to cover up that half of ur employees are vampires when u, urself, are a vamp

 **pipin** : JOH N

 **John L.** : u didn’t hear that from me tho

 **John L.** : also don’t tell ur dad that gwash is a vamp he’ll know where that info came from and will Kill Me

 **pipin** : J O H N

 **pipin** : wait he wouldn’t;; Actually;;; kill u would he

 **John L.** : I mean I don’t??? think so but he’d be Very Upset and that’s like, Worse

 **pipin** : oh;;

 **John L.** : hey so bc ur not dead does this mean u’re still coming over on Saturday?

 **pipin** : yea, my parents said I can go if it means that im ok

John L.: ah so u Asked this time

 **pipin** : I Cannot repeat past mistakes

 **pipin** : pops makes us write these essays if we do that and I can’t put myself thru that torture again

 **John L.** : OF COURSE ALEX USES ESSAYS A PUNISHMENT THAT MOTHERFUCKER

 **John L.** : I say that out of love for him tho don’t get me wrong

 **pipin** : oh no pls continue I agree 10000%

 **John L.** : how long are the essays

 **pipin** : ;;;; how long are college essays on average

 **John L.** : j e s u s

 **pipin** : on the bright side I have!! practice for when I finally go to school

 **John L.** : aren’t u 20??? y haven’t u gone yet?

 **pipin** : im helping w my siblings!! mom doesn’t deserve that kind of stress she’s working like 2 jobs

 **pipin** : and also college is Expensive & we’re kinda struggling rn w funds

 **pipin** : so pops says when im 21 he’ll set me up bc we!! do not save well

 **John L.** : ah

 **John L.** : hope that works out for u

 **John L.** : make sure to stack up on caffeine tho

 **pipin** : don’t I need blood too tho

 **John L.** : pls don’t say it like that but yes, I can help u w that, u don’t even need to ask abt that omg

 **John L.** : that is the entire reason we Talk

 **pipin** : ah;; I see;;;

 **John L.** : tho ig now we talk more bc we’re friends too

 **pipin** : !!! Oh!!!!

 **John L.** : why r u so cute

 **pipin** : wat

 **John L.** : nothing

 **John L.** : herc’s yelling at me I gtg

 **pipin** : ok!! see u on Saturday!!

 **John L.** : !!!

 **pipin** : !!!!

***

They make it a routine.

Every Saturday, Philip goes to John’s place and is gone until late Sunday morning. Alexander and Eliza start out asking him questions the moment he walks through the door—what happened, is he okay, how’s he feeling, what did they do. It took a few visits to John’s for his parents to settle down and leave him be, though they still occasionally dropped hints of their worry through suggestions of conveniently-placed family nights or mentioning some work he needs to do (they never suggested family outings—they’d stopped that since the bite happened).

They needn’t worry though; evident by the drastic improvement of Philip’s health and mood, visiting John is more help than it is harm.

Almost a year into their arrangement, and his parents stop bothering him about it altogether.

His siblings, on the other hand, are a different story.

***

 **angis jr.** : so when are u bringing ur mystery man over

 **pipin** : wat

 **jem james** : ur bf

 **a.ham but it’s jr.** : You know, that vampire you see like, every Saturday and gush to us about the moment you come home.

 **angis jr.** : the guy u get all red in the face abt and get all bouncy when u think abt him

 **pipin** : how would u know I was thinkin abt him???

 **angis jr.** : u’re very obvious w ur crushes, pip

 **jem james** : cmon dude u cant just hide him forever

 **jem james** : I thought u said that vamps could be around mortals as long as they’ve like, drank blood n stuff

 **pipin** : they can

 **pipin** : but also he’s not my bf

 **a.ham but it’s jr.** : If you’re not dating then you’re at the LEAST crushing on him…

 **jem james** : u know it’s serious when alex uses all caps

 **pipin** : u know it’s serious when I shove my FOOT UP YOUR ASSES

 **pipin** : john and i!! are not!! dating!!

 **pipin** : like first of all weve only known each other for a little over a year, he turned me into a half-vamp like the Moment we Did meet, the most we do when im over at his house is eat shit food and talk abt ppl we hate while occasionally watching these stupid ass comedies, and also?? he’s like, pops’ age

 **a.ham but it’s jr.** : Am I the only one who thought he said that they ate shit?

 **jem james** : nah I did too

 **a.ham but it’s jr.** : Okay, just making sure.

 **angis jr.** : pip I want u to list one good thing abt john

 **pipin** : ??

 **pipin** : why

 **pipin** : ALSO FUCK BOTH OF YOU omgggg

 **a.ham but it’s jr.** : You love us.

 **pipin** : I do and I hate it.

 **angis jr.** : can u just do as I ask pls

 **pipin** : alright fine fine w/e

 **jem james** : why is he typing so much

 **a.ham but it’s jr.** : I’m scared is he writing another essay

 **a.ham but it’s jr.** : I’m leaving this chat if it’s an essay, I can’t handle reading another essay, I will literally combust

 **angis jr.** : Philip jfc just ONE THING what are u doing

 **pipin** : ok maybe I like him

 **angis jr.** : YOU DIDN’T EVEN POST IT???

 **pipin** : I had like, two paragraphs

 **pipin** : nobody wants to read that

 **pipin** : well ok except for me, but

 **jem james** : omg

 **angis jr.** : have u??? talked to him at all abt this???

 **pipin** : no;;;

 **a.ham but it’s jr.** : You should.

 **pipin** : I Won’t, but Thanks

 **angis jr.** : wHY NOT

 **jem james** : I hate being related to u all like jfc why r u guys so DIFFICULT

 **pipin** : I can’t just!! do that!!! it’d be weird!!!!! like he’s never rlly shown interest in me n all that

 **pipin** : ;;; actually wait

 **jem james** : omg

 **pipin** : we like, almost kissed once

 **angis jr.** : OMG

 **pipin** : and like he is kinda weird around me lately and sometimes calls me cute;;

 **pipin** : but like that doesn’t mean he wants to date me and he might not want;; to talk to me;;;; if I ask;;;;

 **a.ham but it’s jr.** : Philip.

 **pipin** : wat

 **a.ham but it’s jr.** : Ask him out.

 **pipin** : give me One reason why I should possibly ruin a friendship, alex

 **a.ham but it’s jr.** : Do you want the PG version or the mature-rated version?

 **angis jr.** : JUST ASK UR STUPID VAMP BF OUT OMG

 **pipin** : aLRIGHT JEEZ

***

 **pipin** : john are we dating

 **John L.** : wat

 **pipin** : my family thinks we’re dating

 **John L.** : o h

 **pipin** : wtf do I do

 **John L.** : i???

 **John L.** : u Did leave out who I am right

 **pipin** : john why tf would I tell my dad I was just?? seeing u?? his ex bf??? in the middle of the night????

 **pipin** : he’d lose his shit

 **John L.** : yea he Would

 **pipin** : but yeah like??? are we???

 **John L.** : do u want to?????

 **pipin** : idk

 **John L.** : u don’t Know?

 **pipin** : oh cmon don’t hit me w the single question mark that’s not fair

 **John L.** : what do u mean u don’t know??

 **John** **L.** : wait.

 **pipin** : I uh

 **John L.** : omg that’s a lot of typing phil

 **pipin** : wOULD YOU SHUT UP AND LET ME TALK

 **John L.** : sORRY

 **pipin** : ok so don’t freak out but like!!! I might!!! like!! you!!! and have for a while but like I didn’t say anything bc at first I thought it was just like a weird vampire-charm thing or smth and it wasn’t real but then I didn’t say anything bc u dated my dad and that’s weird but then!! I didn’t wanna tell u bc!! I thought u’d hate me and never talk to me again and I didn’t want that bc u’re like;;; cool n stuff

 **pipin** : but tHEN LIKE. IDK. ANGELICA KEEPS TEASING ME ABT A CRUSH AND MY BROTHERS KEEP ASKING ME ABT MY “SECRET BF” AND THEY ALL KINDA MADE ME REALIZE THROUGH LIKE, AN ESSAY THAT I FUCKIN!!! LIKE YOU!! AND CONINCED ME TO ASK YOU OUT

 **pipin** : AND LIKE ON TOP OF THAT POPS KEEPS DROPPING THESE LIKE, RLLY OBVIOUS HINTS ON HOW TO PICK UP A GUY BC HE AL W A YS KNOWS WHEN IM CRUSHING ON PPL AND I WAS OBLIVIOUS UNTIL NOW BUT I JUST REALIZED THAT’S WHAT HE’S BEEN DOING AND I H A T E

 **John L.** : aw

 **John L.** : I wonder if he’s giving u suggestions that he’s used on me

 **John L.** : pls don’t put me thru that actually I’d probably scream

 **pipin** : JOHN

 **John L.** : what!!! it’s cute!!!

 **pipin** : YOU ARE MISSING THE POINT MY FAMILY THINKS WE’RE DATING AND I????

 **John L.** : we can date if u’re into that

 **pipin** : wait rlly

 **pipin** : ur not just sayin that for my sake r u

 **John L.** : phil we literally almost kissed

 **John L.** : I don’t just Do that yknow

 **pipin** : ;;;;

 **pipin** : so.

 **John L.** : I haven’t gone on a date in like almost a decade so if we could start out small that’d be Great.

 **pipin** : !!!! HOLY SHIT

 **pipin** : THAT’S FINE THANKS

 **John L.** : lmao ur adorable

 **John L.** : see u on Saturday

 **pipin** : k!!!!

***

 **pipin** : i have a bf!!!

 **a.ham but it’s jr.** : Told you.

 **jem james** : fUCKING FINALLY

 **angis jr.** : u both owe me 50 bucks

 **jem james** : oh damn u right fuck

 **pipin** : u wERE BETTING ON ME???

 **a.ham but it’s jr.** : It was a year ago I honestly forgot about it.

 **angis jr.** : no u fuckin didn’t give me my money

 **a.ham but it’s jr.** : I’ll give it to you in like 30 minutes I’m working on a project right now.

 **jem james** : I will ;; pay u;;;; eventually

 **angis jr.** : jAMES

 **pipin** : im blocking all of ur numbers

***

 **workaholic** : how is your date going?

 **pipin** : POPS

 **workaholic** : what?

 **workaholic** : also ur mom is in this chat

 **pipin** : I see her, hi mom

 **best mom** : hi Philip!!!

 **pipin** : also it’s? going ok??

 **pipin** : he’s like, the dorkiest person I have ever gone on a date w tho

 **best mom** : what is he doing?

 **pipin** : well atm he’s going on this huge rant abt this show we’re watching and im!! I cant keep up w this

 **pipin** : u know how pops gets abt politics?

 **workaholic** : rip Philip we’ll start planning ur funeral

 **best mom** : you know the fact that you can Admit how bad you are when it comes to those things says a lot about you…

 **workaholic** : u love me tho

 **workaholic** : but also wHAT SHOW ARE YOU WATCHING

 **pipin** : pops no offense but if u get me a coffin I think I’d kill u, vamps don’t sleep in those things they’re uncomfy AF

 **workaholic** : how do u know this

 **workaholic** : Why do u know this

 **pipin** : john has one & let me lie in it once

 **pipin** : or Had

 **workaholic** : oh yea I forgot he’s a vampire

 **best mom** : why did he have one if they’re uncomfortable?

 **pipin** : vamps have friends, mom

 **best mom** : …right.

 **pipin** : but also???? smth history-related

 **pipin** : I wasn’t paying attention when he put it on tbh I was making popcorn & getting the Spiked Soda

 **best mom** : spiked??

 **workaholic** : Philip.

 **pipin** : we’re Vampires, it’s just blood, chill

 **best mom** : ah, right

 **workaholic** : don’t !! scare us like that!!

 **pipin** : im sorry!! john gets weird abt how I word it bc calling it Blood makes him uncomfy so it’s!! a habit

 **pipin** : anyways it’s about like, early America n stuff

 **workaholic** : he has good taste Keep Him

 **pipin** : omg

 **pipin** : he’s talking trash abt aaron burr??

 **workaholic** : the historic one or the one from my work??

 **workaholic** : wait DOES he know the aaron burr from my work? how old is this vampire???

 **pipin** : the historic one

 **pipin** : and idk if he knows mr. burr but he’s around your age

 **workaholic** : he’s??? so old Philip why are u Dating Him

 **best mom** : we are Not that old

 **workaholic** : * you aren’t

 **workaholic** : Betsey you haven’t aged since u were like 23 I on the other hand get mistaken as a senior citizen like every other day

 **pipin** : it’s the glasses mixed w the hair pops, we’ve talked abt this

 **best mom** : he’s not allowed to dye his hair. and as for the glasses, those are expensive

 **workaholic** : :///

 **best mom** : Do Not

 **workaholic** : I’d look good w blue tho;;;

 **best mom** : Alexander.

 **workaholic** : f I n e.

 **best mom** : Philip are you having a good time?

 **best mom** : Philip??

 **workaholic** : son are u Okay

 **pipin** : hE’S HOLDING MY HAND I CANST

 **pipin** : I cant bretahe

 **best mom** : oh you’ve got it bad.

 **workaholic** : I guess u could say

 **best mom** : alex

 **workaholic** : that he’s

 **best mom** : Alexander.

 **workaholic** : Helpless

 **workaholic** : oW DON’T HIT ME IN MY SHOULDER YOU KNOW HOW SORE IT I S

 **best mom** : sorry but u deserved that one

 **pipin** : u did

 **workaholic** : hEY

 **pipin** : “who are u texting” “my parents” “oh!! tell them I say hi”

 **pipin** : he says h i

 **workaholic** : tell him I say that if he hurts u I will find a way to kill him

 **best mom** : ^^^

 **pipin** : wow ok

 **pipin** : this is why us kids never come to u about relationships

 **best mom** : but you should!! we have so much advice on how to keep you safe & happy!!

 **workaholic** : except for vampire stuff bc we know Nothing abt them

 **best mom** : your father is researching them as we speak

 **workaholic** : I need!! to know!! so I can PROTECT HIM

 **pipin** : yeaaa ur not gonna find much I already tried researching

 **pipin** : most of what I know comes from laurens and even then????

 **workaholic** : laurens??? his name is john laurens??

 **pipin** : oh

 **pipin** : uh

 **workaholic** : wait a fuckin minute

 **pipin** : uH

 **workaholic** : r u seriously telling me ur dating someone named john laurens who’s into history and is around my age??

 **pipin** : TALK TO YOU AFTER THE DATE B Y E

 **workaholic** : HOLY SHIT

 **best mom** : YOU’RE ON A DATE WITH JOHN LAURENS?

 **workaholic** : PHILIP WHAT THE FUCK

 **pipin** : pOPS PLEASE CAN WE TALK ABOUT THI LATER

 **workaholic** : WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME

 **pipin** : WE WERE AFRAID YOU’D GET MAD AND NOT LET ME TALK TO HIM???

 **workaholic** : YOU ARE TWENTY ONE YEARS OLD FIRST OF ALL SO EVEN IF I DIDN’T APPROVE YOU’RE AN ADULT AND THERE’S NOTHING I CAN DO ABT IT

 **workaholic** : but also JOHN!! LAURENS!!! MY FUC KING EX BO Y FRINED FROM COLLEGE

 **workaholic** : THE ONE I THOUGHT WAS DEA D

 **workaholic** : IS!! ALIVE!!!

 **workaholic** : IM GOING TO KILL HIM

 **best mom** : hes grabbing his things

 **pipin** : PO PS

 **best mom** : he just tracked your phone to get your location

 **pipin** : oH MY GOD POPS PLEASE DO N T

 **best mom** : I think you better let john know that we’re on our way.

 **best mom** : also that alex is ready to Kill Him.

 **pipin** : mom pls cant u do smth

 **best mom** : personally I am Also Upset and we are definitely having a discussion about secrets…

 **best mom** : but yes I can try to do something to calm him down so john doesn’t die

 **workaholic** : JOHN!! FUCKING!! LAURENS!!!????

 **pipin** : HE’S CUTE OKAY DON’T YOU GET AFTER ME FOR THIS YOU DATED HI M

 **workaholic** : yOU KNOW THAT WE DATED AND YOURE STILL GOING ON A DATE WITH HIM I FUCKING CANT RN

 **pipin** : im

 **pipin** : goodbye

 **workaholic** : WE’LL BE THERE IN A HALF HOUR

 **best mom** : see you soon!!

 **pipin** : why couldn’t the bite have Killed Me why does this happen holy shit

***

 **pipin** : ange

 **pipin** : ange help

 **angis jr.** : wat

 **angis jr.** : did ur date w ur bf go bad

 **angis jr.** : do I have to kill a bitch

 **pipin** : omg No

 **pipin** : mom and pops came over here and are like, rlly mad

 **angis jr.** : tf did he do???

 **angis jr.** : he didn’t hurt u did he

 **pipin** : no!!!! No

 **pipin** : im Fine

 **pipin** : they’re yellin bc he’s like, an old friend

 **pipin** : and they didn’t Know

 **angis jr.** : which friend??

 **pipin** : john laurens

 **angis jr.** : i

 **angis jr.** : john?? laurens??

 **angis jr.** : that one guy that got shot by Charles lee??

 **pipin** : yea;;; the one that like, dated pops and then disappeared bc Dead

 **pipin** : but like truth is he’s like, not dead, and is just a vamp

 **angis jr.** : holy shit

 **pipin** : and couldn’t say anything bc he couldn’t just Tell That to pops

 **angis jr.** : well you two have fun w that

 **pipin** : angelica Please im begging you ive never heard them yell like this before and john is giving me this Look and im !!!!! I cant do this

 **angis jr.** : Suffer

 **pipin** : ANGELICA

 **pipin** : oh god pops is crying I have to Go;;

 **angis jr.** : oh jeez

 **angis jr.** : I take back the suffer comment that’s not what I wanted

 **pipin** : yea see look what u’ve done

 **angis jr.** : don’t

 **pipin** : NOW THEY’RE ALL CRYING

 **pipin** : I MADE IT WORSE BY TRYING TO HUG HIM AND NOW THEY’RE ALL HUGGING AND JOHN IS APOLOGIZING AND MOM IS LIKE HALF-HOLDING POPS AND HALF-RESTRAINING HIM FROM KILLING JOHN IM GONNA S CREAM

 **pipin** : WHY CANT I JUST DATE MEN W/O MY PARENTS DOING THIS

 **angis jr.** : it Does only seem to be you where they do stuff like this

 **pipin** : I KNOW I HATE IT

 **angis jr.** : qUIT TEXTING ME AND HELP THEM

 **pipin** : I AM TRYING BUT THEY’RE NOT LETTING ME IN ON THE HUGS

 **pipin** : mom and pops just told me that im grounded

 **pipin** : but also that I can still date john

 **pipin** : but also that if we do this shit again we’re both Dead

 **angis jr.** : they both know that’s an empty threat

 **pipin** : u can’t see the looks they’re giving me rn

 **pipin** : they are Dead Serious

 **angis jr.** : oh damn

 **angis jr.** : uhh pip??

 **angis jr.** : it’s been like 10 minutes are u ok

 **pipin** : john wont talk to me and im vvv close to crying

 **pipin** : like he went into his room and when I went inside to talk to him he got mad at me and went into this rant that was basically “I asked u to do one thing, why couldn’t you do that, do u have any idea how dangerous this was this could get ur entire family killed, I asked u for One Thing phil” and then he told me to leave

 **pipin** : he locked the door after kicking me out

 **pipin** : and pops is like, still shaking and talking abt when john got shot and the amount of shit he went thru afterwards and mom is considering killing john again

 **pipin** : I think Im going to puke

 **angis jr.** : oh jesus

 **angis jr.** : pip im so sorry

 **angis jr.** : I mean I feel more for pops rn but???

 **pipin** : honestly same but I still feel like shit

 **pipin** : we’re going home

 **angis jr.** : ok

 **angis jr.** : do u want to hang out when u do or??

 **pipin** : I think I wanna be left alone for a while tbh;;;

 **angis jr.** : ok

 **angis jr.** : see u soon

 **pipin** : yea

***

 **pipin** : hey,,,

 **John L.** : hi

 **pipin** : im rlly sorry about what happened;;

 **John L.** : it’s fine

 **pipin** : ;;;

 **pipin** : it doesn’t sound fine

 **John L.** : phil, it was an accident. I get it. it’s fine. im just tired

 **pipin** : ok;;

 **John L.** : besides, I kinda figured I’d have to talk to ur parents eventually. especially if we’re dating and all that. it was bound to happen

 **pipin** : right;

 **John L.** : im not mad at u if that’s what ur thinking

 **pipin** : .

 **pipin** : why not tho

 **John L.** : rlly phil

pipin: i

 **pipin** : yes

 **pipin** : jesus that’s a lot of typing

 **John L.** : look ig im a lil upset abt the namedrop thing bc I wasn’t Prepared to deal w alex and eliza today, like that was reckless af considering our Situation, and it did kinda suck having the talk go the way it Did, but it’s not like they hate me or u or are gonna try and hurt me. and like they don’t seem?? to care that we date?? or that yknow im Not A Human and am the reason Ur Also Not A Human, which honestly surprises me bc you’d think as ur parents they’d at least be upset over That but alex & eliza have Always been fuckin weird so it’s none of my business

 **John L.** : and like??? in a way that’s all done and over with now so we don’t gotta worry abt it now?? like it’s not smth that might Ruin Shit or put us in any danger or w/e so like who cares

 **John L.** : plus like;; I missed them and miss being their friends?? like I said I Do like alex & eliza I just haven’t talked to them due to the whole;; vampire thing

 **John L.** : also jsyk a lil mishap like this isn’t enough to make me hate u, like omg Philip what the Hell, that’s not how love Works ??? I still love u like jesus ch ri st don’t put urself thru that kinda shit ok there’s nothin to worry abt in that department

 **pipin** : I love u

 **pipin** : also im crying now

 **John L.** : pLEASE DON’T CRY THAT IS WHAT I AM TRYING TO A V OI D

 **pipin** : it’s not a bad crying!!!

 **pipin** : ok it was bad crying Before That but !!! u’re so fuckin sweet wtf

 **pipin** : im not used to stuff like this and my brain just decided “oh this seems like a good tiem to cry”

 **John L.** : i s2g phil I will march my ass over to ur apartment just to smother u in love and reassurances

 **John L.** : idc if I Just Saw You ok I can’t have u crying over this!!! I get why u’d be upset but also It’s Fine!!!! we’re good!!!! don’t worry pls

 **pipin** : im good now I think

 **pipin** : ;;; ok maybe not

 **John L.** : im grabbing my hoodie rn

 **pipin** : thank u

 **pipin** : oh wait I just realized u can come over to My House now

 **pipin** : and like we don’t have to Sneak

 **John L.** : ur welcome

 **John L.** : and hOLY SHIT UR RIGHT

 **pipin** : we can literally just;; continue our date like rn but like;; where my parents don’t Have to text @ me and make me spill info

 **John L.** : I’ll be there so like I’ll be spilling For u

 **pipin** : yea that’s true

 **John L.** : u better cover ur mirrors tho or else that’s not happening js

 **pipin** : oh yeah ill do that here in a second

 **pipin** : I just left my room and angie asked if u were dead bc of my crying & bc I told her abt what happened and im;;; too tired and sad for this;;

 **John L.** : omg

 **pipin** : the mirrors are all covered btw

 **pipin** : which she also asked abt but when I told her theyll explode if a vamp goes by them she was like “oh ok” and left it alone

 **John L.** : thank u

 **pipin** : ye ye I got u

 **pipin** : oh god james just walked out

 **John L.** : uh oh

 **pipin** : he asked me what was wrong so I just explained that mom and pops almost killed my date when they found out who it was and he just “pls tell me ur not dating thomas jefferson or some shit”

 **pipin** : forgetting that ur name is John

 **John L.** : the irony is he doesn’t even realize that jefferson is also a vampire

 **pipin** : should I tell him?

 **John L.** : probably not

 **John L.** : idk if he’d handle knowing that his father works w vampires

 **John L.** : vampires that Hate Alexander specifically;;

 **pipin** : that’s fair

 **pipin** : I told him I was dating john laurens and he asked if it was The john laurens and when I said “yeah” he was like “oh no wonder pops got pissed I’d be pissed too”

 **pipin** : nobody is on my side today

 **John L.** : !!! I AM

 **pipin** : * nobody that is Mortal is on my side today

 **John L.** : oh ok good point

 **John L.** : also im omw

 **pipin** : pls hurry I am chewing thru my pillow rn and angie’s trying to braid my hair

 **John L.** : oooooo I wanna see ur hair braided tho;;

 **pipin** : John.

 **John L.** : fine im goin

 **pipin** : oh god I just did what my mom does to my pops

 **pipin** : why am I Literally both of my parents at once I hate this

 **John L.** : OMG WAIT RLLY

 **pipin** : CAN YOU PLEASE JUST GET HERE

 **John L.** : RIGHT

***

 **John L.** : I still want to see ur hair braided

 **pipin** : john. I s2g

 **John L.** : cmon pls ur hair’s rlly pretty & u’d look cute

 **pipin** : “pretty” “cute” I am Neither of those things mkay don’t even

 **pipin** : but also u stopped making out w me for This

 **John L.** : Please???

 **pipin** : put ur phone down & kiss me or I Will Kill You

 **John L.** : f i n e

**Author's Note:**

> u can tell almost the exact moment where i got lazy and tired rip;;;


End file.
